But I Didn’t Order It
“We’re here to install your new Complete Health Solution,” announced the cheerful voice.
“But I didn’t order any such thing,” said the old man.
“You didn’t have to! This is all paid for by the Department of Health. There will be no cost to you, and you can pretty much forget doctor visits and taking medications.”
“But I didn’t order it,” said the old man, again.
“You didn’t have to!” Less cheerful now. “The Department of Health orders it for you. They pay for it. We install it. It makes your life better.”
“But I didn’t order it.”
“Please listen to me! You don’t have to order it. It’s provided to you free of charge. You don’t have to pay a thing or do anything. I install it. It makes your life better.”
“I am listening to you, but I didn’t order that thing.” The voice was very steady for an angry man past 100 years old.
“Listen, please! Ordering doesn’t matter. It’s yours, courtesy of the Department of Health. It monitors your vital signs, looks for medical problems before they happen. It puts any required medications into your food and water for you. It does everything! It’s a wonderful machine. Now just sit down over there in your recliner while I install it for you.”
“But. I. Didn’t. Order. It. Since you’re obviously mentally impaired, that means I. Don’t. Want. It.”
There was silence for a few moments.
“But it’s good for you! It’s a wonderful gift the Department of Health is just giving to you. Companies that make pills and pharmacies that dispense them will soon be a thing of the past. All your medication will come through one of these machines. You won’t have to worry about taking pills ever again.”
“I don’t take any pills. I didn’t order it.”
“Well, we’re providing it to you in any case. Please, just sign right here acknowledging acceptance of this wonderful gift.”
The old man looked at the text on the tablet screen. He read it carefully. He wondered if the cheerful installer had ever actually read the text, of if he just handed it out expecting a signature.
“I didn’t order it. Therefore, I won’t sign for it.” He handed the tablet and stylus back.
“But you can’t do that!”
“Actually, I can. Read it yourself. I didn’t order it. I won’t sign for it. I don’t want it.”
“If you die, it’s all your fault!” Not cheery any more.
“So true, young man, so true.” And the old man grinned.
(Featured image generated by Jetpack AI, in an ironic twist, considering the topic.)
